Monday, June 12, 2006

Parallax: World Cup

I've watched far too much World Cup already. I'm bleary, but maybe that's because the US just got -- what's the word -- crushed/shellacked/raped by the Czechs.

Rating the teams thus far:

1. Czech Republic -- Is the US just that bad, or are the Czechs that good? I think it's the latter -- the defense was incredible, and they have playmakers on offense.
2. Holland -- Robben was all over the field, Van der Sar might be the best keeper in the world. Still, why is Van Nistlerooy always being shown the bench?
3. Argentina -- They might be higher, except I fell asleep when they scored.
4. Mexico -- Ok, it was only Iran, but some beautiful goals and good defending. Gooooooooooal.
5. Germany -- Klose is amazing, and now they have Ballack too. But the defense is Suspect with a capital S, ja.
6. England -- They won, and they have talent, and yet: "You only scored own goal, you only scored own goal, you on-ly scooooored own goal...OWN GOAL!"
7. Italy -- Ghana gave them a run, but the offense looked potent.
8. Australia -- Ok, I missed this game, but they were clutch in the final minutes. I just wish I hadn't dropped Tim Cahill from my Premiership fantasy team.
9. Ecuador -- Ecuador isn't this good, Poland is just this bad.
10. Portugal -- Should have done more against Angola. Still, they got 3 points and should improve.
11. Ivory Coast -- Played a spirited second half; Drogba needs to get more involved if they want to survive the "Group of Death."
12. Trinidad & Tobago -- Held Sweden with 10 men for 45 minutes. Nice.
13. Paraguay -- Held England to no goals for 90 minutes. Also nice.
14. Japan -- Ok, I didn't see this one either, but their late collapse spells certain doom. They have brought shame upon themselves and their families.
15. Serbia and the now-independent Montenegro -- Montenegro just broke off from Serbia, forming their own country. They have two players on the Serbian team. You can rest assured this will be the last time we ever see anyone from Montenegro play in a World Cup.
16. Ghana -- Looked surprisingly frisky on offense, but shaky on defense.
17. Iran -- Do you root for the Iranians (because they are playing under tremendous pressure) or against them ("Axis of Evil" charter member and viciously anti-Semitic President)? You have two more games to decide.
18. Sweden -- Obviously better than 17th but c'mon -- against 3 Ts (ten men on Trinidad and Tobago) they couldn't even get a goal?
18. Costa Rica -- They didn't play horribly, but some one has to be 18th.
19. Angola -- Whatever.
20. Poland -- Snore.
21. United States -- Wow, we are an international laughingstock all over again.


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